Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
