What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
