New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
