And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
