just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
