my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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