buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
