i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
