I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
