So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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