ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
