i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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