I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize