I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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