if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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