He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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