i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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