3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize