on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
