I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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