he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
