I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
