We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
