Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You pole danced in your parka.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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