Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
