I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dignity is for republicans.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
