I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
