OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
