You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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