I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
