actually, I'm a sock model
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
