My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
