I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
