in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize