I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
