I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
