omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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