a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
