I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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