i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
