I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
