Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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