I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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