Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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