The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
