Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
