the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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