fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
