Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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