My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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