I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
