I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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