woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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