I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
