Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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