4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
