what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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