Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
