please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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