Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
