Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
