I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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