My Higher Power is John Stamos
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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