I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Farmville is her only friend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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