if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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