I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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